Overcome, Adapt, Accept, Make Change

Updated: Mar 26

Fears of not being accepted, seen, heard, or valued as a human being.

  1. Overcome: You can change how you act and behave. You can’t change others.

  2. Overcome: Words are just Words! We are the ones who give power to those words.

  3. Adapt: Learn techniques and strategies for your unique issues.

  4. Adapt: Provide yourself with the supports you need to be successful.

  5. Accept / Make Change: Change your perspective. Think about the problem with a different point of view.


Overcome:

“It’s me! It’s all me!” Janice realized.

“I’m my own worst enemy!” She turns, takes a few steps, and sits down at her kitchen table. “I was blaming everyone else. I was so sure my struggles were caused by all those jerks in my life.” She rests her forehead in her palm. “But really it’s me.” She groans a deep, agonizing Hell has arrived. She sits groaning in misery for a few minutes taking in her reality. Suddenly she jerks her head up and says, “But if the problem is me, then I can change me. I can fix me.” She said with hope filling every part of her face and body. “But how? That’s the question. What to fix and how to fix it and why?” She wonders.



Janice walks to her desk. She picks up a few sheets of paper and a pencil. She pauses to think of what her current problems are. Then she writes. “I fear not being accepted, seen, heard, or valued as a human being. The way I’m being treated by others is making that fear a reality.” Her heart began hurting from years of emotion she has been holding in. The pain of rejection. The pain of not being accepted. She shrugs her shoulders in frustration, “How do I overcome? How do I adapt? How do I make change in my life?” She sets her hands on the desk. “I’m tired of being treated so poorly. How do I change that? I can’t control how others treat me. Or can I?”

Overcome: Words are just Words. Don’t give them power.

She picks up her pencil and writes, “Words are just words. I’m the one that gives power for those words to hurt me because I let them stay with me and fester like an infected sliver. I can release those words and their power.” She decides to learn techniques and strategies to help with how she handles the blows others throw her way. “I can think of it like it’s a video game of dodge the negativity. Negativity can hit you, stick to you, and be absorbed infecting all of you. I can dodge, peel off, and eject that crap!” She declares. She knows CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Techniques) has been helpful. There are self help books too. She’s been learning about negative thinking patterns and how to catch herself doing it, recognize which one she is doing like personalizing everything, and changing negative thinking to positive. That’s been really helpful so she decides to continue learning this technique. Janice reaches for her cell phone, clicks on the Audible app, and searches for books to help her: She finds a few books to start with:


  1. DBT Therapy: Your Guide to Happiness

  2. DBT, ABA, CBT: Do it Yourself

  3. Self Talk: How to train your brain to turn negative thinking into positive thinking and practice self love.

  4. Are U Ok?


Adapt: Provide yourself with the support you need to be successful.


Janice puts her phone down. “This is a good start I guess.” She rubs her forehead and adjusts herself to be more comfortable. “This will all help but it doesn’t help my fear of not being accepted, heard, or valued by others.” She slams her fist on the table, “ I’m a school teacher! I’m successful in life! I have accomplished many things in life that I’m damn proud of! I’ve overcome many hardships and challenges. But people generally avoid me. I can’t handle life or even live life like everyone else. I have Autism. It does mean I experience life quite differently than everyone else. I do need others to be accepting and tolerant of those differences.” Janice stands up, walks to the kitchen, and pours herself a small cup of herbal tea she had made earlier. She walks back to her desk. Sips on her tea, and begins to write again.


“I'm different that's for certain. I’m hypersensitive. I struggle greatly with communication. Socializing is a NO! Severe Anxiety is a constant battle. Some people at work treat me very badly. I don’t know why they do. I can help people understand my differences who care and want to understand. I can teach people my best way of communicating which isn’t verbal communication. I can teach those who are interested in being friendly with me how to meet me halfway. The way into an Autistic person’s life is to step into their world and participate in their interest on their terms. That is how you open the doors and engage with people who have Autism.” She frowns realizing how hard it is for her to engage and participate with others. “I’m a good listener and I know I can study emotional intelligence as tools to help me engage,” she thinks to herself with more self doubt than hope. “It’s a beginning anyway.” She decides. “It can’t hurt.”


Dread fills her face and body. Her head drops low in a defeated position as she thinks about some of her work colleagues. Her body resonates with the pain of heartbreak, rejection, and humiliation. Her memory plays a video in her mind filled with clips of their hurtful words, acts, aggressions, and demeaning behavior. “I feel so unworthy to live, breathe, and hold the good job I have because of others' negativity towards me. I can choose to allow their behaviors to destroy me, or I can choose to know I am a very successful person and have worked hard to be who I am today.”





A knock at the door. She gets up and walks to the door. She opens it and sees a package on the porch. She brings the package to her kitchen table and uses the scissors to cut open the taped box. “It’s here! My speech watch is here!” With mixed feelings of joy and apprehension she opens up all the parts for her speech watch. She struggles greatly with verbal communication and requires speech support. She relies on a variety of alternative speech apps to help her through each day. She can verbally communicate but not consistently. Stress, anxiety, illness, fatigue, overwhelm will stop her speech. “It’s like having a wire that shorts out when it gets too hot. I require a rest period from speech. So I’ve resorted to several devices to assist me when needed. I use Google Translator, Text to Speech, Sign Language, and writing to communicate.” She admires her new speech watch. “I hope this helps. I need all the support I can get.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Life is really hard to deal and participate in.”





Accept / Make Change: Change your perspective. Think about the problem with a different point of view.


“Oh, what’s this?” There is more in the box. “It came! It’s here!” She says excitedly. She pulls out one more item. “Nuheara.” She reads the box. She opens it finding high tech ear plugs made just for her. Her hyper sensitivity is severe and she can barely handle a whisper in her classroom. Her choices have been big bulky headphones used for gunfire or small earplugs that aren’t enough. These new high tech babies bluetooth to her phone and adjust sound level to the room she is in. She can turn the world on or off with just a tap. It’s a beautiful little miracle she’s needed for a very long time. She hugs them with joy and gratitude. It’s Covid-19 and her school is teaching online. “I can test them out in our Zoom class tomorrow. Thank you to the genius who created these.” She whispers.


She puts them down on the table and walks back to her desk. She reads over her original concern. “I fear not being accepted, seen, heard, or valued as a human being.” She rubs her arms briskly as she thinks about it. “I don’t think I solved this problem but I have found some things I’m excited to work on. As I attempted to solve this issue, it no longer feels or has the same intensity as before. The fear and need feels greatly lessened.” She taps the statement she had written and decides to change it to a positive affirmation. She picks up her pencil once more and writes, “I am a human being of value and worth. I love and accept myself. I recognize both my strengths and weaknesses. I love both! I support myself in both. I allow myself to recognize where I need support and allow myself to have support and be a perfectly imperfect human. I love who I am! I accept myself!” She pauses. She smiles. She writes with emphasis, “I love me!”


Blessings,

Bobbi’s Journey

www.bobbisjourney.com




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